by Brian Gott
DRAMATIS PERSONAE
 Oswald T. Dodo |
It isn't that Oswald is stupid, as such. It's just that he spends most of his time off in his own little world. As such, normal business concepts, and everyday doings that are second nature to most of us, are completely alien to him. Oswald is optimistic, naive at times, and eager to please. He works in Victor Fairweather's R&D. He also claims to be an inventor on the side. The products of his basement laboratory may turn up from time to time. (He claims to be working on a device that will revolutionize laundry as we know it.) Oswald has lived a long and colorful life, and may occasionally decide to regale bystanders with tales of his many adventures. |
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Victor Fairweather is the manager of RIFCo's R&D Department. He was given this position as a reward for his total lack of competence as a developer. As such, he spends much of his time creating pointless busywork for his staff, questioning their routine reports, going through paper clips by the gross, and complaining - lots of complaining. Victor is bitter, cynical, and impossible to please. He's not sure if Oswald is completely insane or just completely clueless. Either way, he's endlessly frustrated with the extent to which he has become dependent upon the dodo's assistance. |
 Victor Fairweather |
 Hanna Kincaid |
Hanna is without a doubt the smartest person at RIFCo. That's not saying much at a company like this, but she often seems to be the only person around who actually knows what's going on. Although being the CEO's Administrative Assistant and Receptionist appears at first glance to be a low-ranking position, it has its good points. For starters, Hanna is literally the Power Behind the Throne at RIFCo -- since everyone knows that the place would collapse into chaos without her! Hanna is a nice person at heart -- no, really, she is! But the stresses of working in the madhouse that is RIFCo sometimes seem to have pushed her very nearly to the edge. Over time, she has developed a bit of a sadistic streak. She enjoys the discomfort others experience when events take a turn from Mildly Weird to Truly Bizarre. |
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The Middle Managers (a.k.a. The Tads) usually appear in groups of two or three. To the casual observer, they seem to be utterly unburdened by the slightest shred of intelligence. However, this doesn't matter because they have rank-and-file employees to do their thinking for them. These cookie-cutter employees are slavishly devoted to corporate conformity. Anything that one does, they all must do, whether it's harassing the staff or wearing identical loud green ties. All traces of individuality (if they ever existed to begin with) have been stamped out. Oswald’s theory is that they possess some sort of group mind. |
 The Middle Managers |
 Rev. Joshua Tree |
Joshua Tree is the pastor of a nondenominational, interracial (and, thanks to Oswald, interspecies) church. When he isn't preaching, he tries to be a supportive friend and voice of reason to the dodo.
He has a fairly easygoing manner; not much fazes him. After having a talking, clothes-wearing Dodo as an active member of his congregation for the last few years, there aren't a lot of things he would consider "weird." He is an expert on ancient history, which gives him a few illustrations for sermons (and complete mastery of Trivial Pursuit) but otherwise doesn't help him that much. |
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Zoe is another member of the R&D department. She's been at the company for a few years -- not quite long enough to have her spirit broken, but long enough to recognize that life is nuts.
Zoe is the type of person who, if you asked her for change for a twelve-dollar bill, would ask if you'll take a six and two threes. Her offbeat sense of humor is the weapon she wields to fend off both soul-crushing boredom and complete insanity. But this lady bears a mysterious burden. Her grandfather bequeathed to her a small, sealed book (with a silouhette of a dodo on the cover), and made her swear to protect it until "the right time and the right one" came. Unfortunately, Gramps never had a chance to tell her anything more. Zoe hopes that Oswald knows something about it. |
 Zoe Hunnicut |
 Rupert Malegant Hasenpfeffer IV |
King Rupert is the CEO and Grand Haboop (that's "Poobah" backwards) of RIFCo. He may be the last descendant of the deposed King of Outer Papadapakapalavia -- or he may just be several legs short of a throne. But since Outer Papadapakapalavia seems to no longer exist
(and frankly, there's some doubt as to whether or not it ever did), he's decided to settle for the next best thing: Taking over the world. As Victor puts it: "On the day of victory, Rupert will rule the world, and we'll all be out of a job."
Incidentally, don't ask him about the plunger he carries. That is his SCEPTER! And don't you forget it! |